Hamilton's birth
Posted on 2007-04-04 0:47   [Edit]

Hamilton was born February -, 2007 - a glorious 7 lbs, 9 oz, 19 ½ inches. He had a full head of dark hair with brown highlights and a cute little bald spot on his left side (plus a "stork bite" under his right ear). His adorable nose looked too big for his teeny newborn face. Hamilton's arrival was the most extraordinary and joyful day of my life.

Hamilton means “beautiful mountain”. His Chinese name is Bao-An. Bao translates as precious or treasure, and An balance, fairness, equanimity. I think both are perfect names for our son. We hope he comes to love the mountains as much as we do. And when I find myself feeling overwhelmed by how much I love this little baby, I think of his Chinese name and am reminded of the importance of emotional balance. Hamilton is our precious Bao-Bao, but we can't protect him from everything, and we'll inevitably make mistakes as parents. I try to remember that each new moment with Hamilton is a blessing.

(Click on "More" below to read on and see a Slide show of Hamilton.)

For many women, they feel giving birth is the most important and wonderful thing they've ever done. I can say that I am one of those women. As we always heard growing up (and too often while pregnant from random strangers at the market), “having kids will change your life”. That shift penetrated and reordered my world the moment I could see Hamilton emerging. The nurses had set up a mirror so I could watch his birth. At first, I was afraid to watch, thinking from the birth videos I had seen (which always made me cry for reasons I can't explain) that he would come out looking like some Sith Lord, covered in white vernix and with a head so misshapen, he hardly looked human. Yee was at my side, (being a fabulous birth partner the whole time), and telling me he saw a thick head of dark hair when Hamilton was crowning. I reached down to touch the crown of my son, and that reality unleashed the final bit of motivation I needed to finally meet this little being with whom I had been “sharing” my body for the past 9 months. After over an hour of pushing, I pushed harder yet and saw his head and face slide out while I watched in the mirror. With the next contraction, all of Hamilton's 7 lbs and 9 oz emerged, but as Dr. McCarrick said, he had “wide shoulders”, and it took a bit more effort than we expected. In a moment of the most pure joy and awe I've ever experienced, this tiny warm human being was placed on my chest, and I fell madly in love.

Hamilton stayed there, skin to skin, for at least 15 minutes before the nurses took him to get weighed and cleaned up a bit. This felt like the most extraordinary 15 minutes of my existence. I knew I had finally arrived – that being a mom was exactly what I had always wanted. From this moment on, taking care of Hamilton has been natural and joyful, despite the sleep deprivation, initially painful breastfeeding, and occasional inconsolable crying (Hamilton's, not ours). I take delight in being his caregiver, and terribly miss the little guy if I'm away from him for only a few hours.

I'm writing this blog (my first) now as Hamilton has just reached 2 months of age, and I still feel this way. I know from what my friends tell me that I'll eventually feel OK about being separated from him for a full day, but right now I just can't imagine it.

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